


Five Centuries of Sketch

by soulback



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: Drabble, Fluff, M/M, Sketches
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-04
Updated: 2014-12-04
Packaged: 2018-02-28 03:18:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2716931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soulback/pseuds/soulback
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of sketches concerning everyone's favourite ill-fated emo-prom royalty.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Trees

Neil doesn't know, and then he does; just like that, no trumpets, no fanfare, just the matter of a moment, and it's so obvious that in the cold grey light of morning he wonders if he's even the first to find out.

He wakes to see Todd hopping around the room in the pre-dawn shadows. Todd is clearly attempting to get dressed without turning on the lamp and disturbing his roommate, and he bumps into the desk chair in the process. He grabs the chair just before it hits the ground, and throws a worried look over his shoulder at Neil.

Neil shuts his eyes fast. Todd breathes an audible sigh of relief, and buckles his belt. Neil returns to watching him lazily through sleep-blurred eyes.

His pale skin faintly glows in the blue-grey light and there's an elegant simplicity in the shape and structure of his body, like a young birch tree. Neil wonders when on earth he started comparing his roommate's body to trees - let along trees of the young birch variety - and then realises that in the six weeks they've been roomies, he's never actually seen Todd in a state of undress.

Todd mutters something under his breath as he slips his t-shirt quickly over his head, that Neil can't quite work out. It almost sounds like he's psyching himself up. Now Neil is intrigued, and watches Todd openly.

Todd turns to reach for his jacket, sees Neil staring at him, and jumps. He looks confused for a moment, before, almost guiltily, mumbling, "Good morning." He sits down on the edge of the bed.

"Is it?" asks Neil. "What's the time?"

"About five-thirty." Todd casually ties his shoelaces

"What are you doing?" Neil frowns.

"Going for a walk." Todd shrugs on his jacket, and ducks his head in embarrassment. "You know. Um. Carpe diem."

Neil groans dramatically and rolls over in bed, burying his head in the pillow as he hears the dormitory door close. He must be the only boy in the entire school whose roommate thinks that 'carpe diem' means going for a walk before sunrise.

But of course Todd would think that. That's what makes him Todd. So subversive you don't even realises you're being subverted until -

And that's it. That's the moment. That's when Neil knows. It isn't a romantic or epic or poetry-worthy knowing; more the sudden realisation of a teenage boy that, however perfectly formed and magnificent the breasts of Charlie's coveted centrefold spread may be, they're not going to do it for Neil anymore.


	2. Bed

Neil devises all sorts of reason to get into Todd's bed. It's too cold. Todd got a crappy birthday present. Neil can hear Knox snoring through the wall. Neil's having a bad dream. Todd's having a bad dream.

( _"No, I'm not." "Yes, you are. Flailing around like you're being attacked by sharks. Can't get a moment's peace. Now shove over."_ )

The first time, Neil blames it on the thunderstorm.

"Scoot over," he whispers.

"Why?" asks Todd.

"Because there's a thunderstorm, idiot," says Neil, slipping into the bed besides Todd.

"But I'm not scared," says Todd, reasonably. "And even if I was – "

"I know," Neil cuts him off. "Now go to sleep."

There is silence as they settle into comfortable positions, with Todd's back pressed against Neil's chest. Todd is warm and smells like pencils and oranges.

"Are you scared?" asks Todd, suddenly.

"Of course not," says Neil, praying that his hammering heart won't give him away.

xxx

Neil quickly learns that when it comes to Todd, however, he doesn't need actual reasons – he only needs Todd to think that there are reasons, even if that reason is just Neil being Neil and Todd being wrong. Of _course_ this is what boys who share dormitory rooms do together. Well, they do at Helton, anyway. Now go to sleep.

The best time they share a bed, though, is when Neil wakes up in his own bed in the morning to find Todd fast asleep next to him.

Todd doesn't need reasons, either.


	3. Tea

"Is there anything else, Neil?"

In the softly lit study, Mr. Keating smiles kindly as Neil fiddles with his tea cup, longing to speak but unable to find the words.

Maybe there are no words for what he wants to say. Maybe the English language in all its infinite glory and ability to woo, has failed to provide him with the words to express the strange longings of his tortured soul.

But that's not true, and Neil knows it. The words exist – little, everyday words like 'boy' and 'think' and 'love' and 'in' – but they don't go together the way he wants them to, they don't fit together in his mouth.

"She's pretty," he says, as if changing the subject. He nods at the photo of the woman on Mr. Keating's desk.

"Yes," Mr. Keating sighs. "She's also is in London."

"Why do you stay here, then?"

"Because I love teaching."

"But – do you love her?" Neil hurriedly takes a sip of tea, painfully aware that his cheeks are burning at the mere mention of the word.

"Yes." Mr Keating looks down at his desk, and shuffles his papers together. His face is sad.

"How did you – know?" Neil gulps, emboldened by Mr Keating's simple admission.

"Ahh… love." Mr. Keating leans back in his chair, as if he has been waiting a long time for someone to ask just this question. "To know is to always have known." He looks at Neil.

"That's poetry," says Neil, laughing casually.

"Love is poetry," says Mr Keating. "It is also absurd, and has complete disregard for convenience. You never know when or where or with whom it will happen."

Neil wonders if he's accidentally said aloud the things that he can barely say to himself, or if Mr. Keating has the ability to read minds –

He puts the cup down hastily, and nods at the English teacher. "Thank you, Captain. For your other advice. And for the - tea. Good night."


	4. Seize

After the first rehearsal of the play, Neil is buzzing; he is so filled with the energy and invincibility of anything being possible, that when at last he makes it back to the dormitory room (he may have tripped up the stairs a few times without even noticing) and sees Todd hanging his coat up in the wardrobe, Neil grabs him, seizes him by the front of his shirt, and kisses him.

It's a kiss so filled with pushing and surprise that neither boy really knows what it feels like, but when Todd breaks away and takes a step back towards the desk, Neil sees in his face, for just a second, an echo of the same thing he felt when he decided to become an actor; the same thing he felt when he realised that the centrefold spread wasn't for him; the same thing he felt when he knew that he'd always known.

\- and then the light fades from Todd's face, quickly, so quickly, and is replaced by sense and good reason, family and future, tradition and terror, obedience and shame; it's replaced by what boys do and don't do.

"Stop," says Neil desparately, trying to grab the light with his words. "Stop – "

"Stop _what_?"

"That thing you do, that you always do. Just give yourself one moment to – to have this."

"I can't." Todd stumbles and holds onto the chair.

"You can."

"I'm not like you," he says, shaking his head.

"But you want it."

Neil knows he's pleading now. He also knows he doesn't care.

"So?" says Todd – and then, "Don't tell me what I want." He makes for the door but Neil is invincible and lunges to block his path. He holds up one hand like he's calming a dangerously wounded lion.

"Just _one moment_. It's all I ask."

Todd at least stands still, and Neil dares to edge closer to him. He's still not quite sure what he's doing but he does it anyway as, slowly and carefully, he places his hand on Todd's cheek. Todd winces, but doesn't move away.

"Be brave," says Neil.

Todd refuses to look at him.

"Please be brave. Please." Neil takes Todd's face in both his hands and forces his gaze upwards. "It's just you and me. Look at me. It's just _us_."

And Neil laughs, as if 'us' is the most natural, simple thing in the world. He smiles into the face of his best friend. "Carpe diem?" he says, and wiggles his eyebrows in his goofiest manner. His heart bursts a little when Todd lets a grin slip through his armour.

"There," says Neil. He hesitates just for a second - to show he's not strong, to show he's still himself – then he kisses Todd again.

This time it's softer and warm, and Neil's spine tingles when Todd starts kissing him back.

"So _this_ is kissing – " Neil thinks, and now he's starting to understand what all those dead poets were banging on about – then there is no thinking, only lips and bumping noses and false starts and smiles, and the shy brilliant laughter of Todd that seems to turn their inexperienced boyish fumbles into anything they want it to be.


End file.
